Welcome back to my blog, "Fat and Fifty"! Thanks
for sticking around for my next post. I'm new to this, so please feel free to
share your thoughts in the comments.
So, it's T-minus 2 days until I start the keto diet. And let
me tell you, it's gonna be a tough one. Keto can be a very restrictive diet,
and you may have to say goodbye to your favorite high-carb snack foods. And
your favorite full-carb cold brew? Forget about it. But before you start the
diet, there are a few things you should do.
Tip #1: Indulge yourself! Go out to your favorite restaurant
and enjoy your favorite foods. Go to the convenience store like a 9-year-old
who just got sent in there with a $100 bill. Really treat yourself. I'm serious
when I say overdo it. It's a way to make your body and your mind go, "Oh
my God, this food is disgusting!" and make it easier to give it up.
Tip #2: Drink water. Water is one of the most important
things you need during keto. Maybe you're like me and thought you were getting
enough water through your morning latte. Or you thought you were getting your
water via the water used when they make Coke. And let's be honest, isn't beer
mostly water? But alas, that is not enough. When you're in ketosis, your body
is going to crave water. It'll be like dry mouth, cotton mouth, the Death
Valley in your mouth. Start drinking water early on and get your body adapted
to this need for water. They say you should drink at least one gallon of water
per day, if not more. So, I found it easiest to get a one-liter reusable water
bottle and fill it up. Count how many times you drink that. If you're not
finishing at least four a day, you gotta push yourself. Eventually, you won't
need to push yourself. It will become natural to drink that much water, but
your body will need it
Tip #3: Beware of the dreaded keto cramps! These little
buggers can strike at any moment, and trust me, you do NOT want to mess with
them. They're like the Kraken of leg cramps - once they hit, you'll feel like
you're being dragged down to the depths of the ocean.
But fear not, dear keto-dieter, for I have a solution! It's
called "the salty lime surprise," and it's the secret weapon against
those pesky cramps. Now, I know what you're thinking - "salty lime
surprise? That sounds more like a prank than a remedy." But trust me, it's
legit.
All you need to do is mix fresh lime juice, Himalayan sea
salt, and a dash of water (12 -16oz room temp) in a glass. It's like a
margarita, but without the tequila and with a side of electrolytes. Just be
warned, the first sip might make you pucker up like you just ate a whole bag of
sour patch kids. But hey, if that's the price we have to pay for smooth sailing
on the keto seas, then so be it.
So remember, peeps - start your day with a salty lime
surprise, and you'll be able to dance the night away without a single cramp in
sight. Or at the very least, you'll be able to sleep without feeling like your
legs are trying to escape from your body.
Tip #4: Purge the Pantry - Say goodbye to all the non-keto
friendly stuff in your house. You don't need that kind of negativity in your
life! "Lead us not into temptation!" Those high-carb, sugar-filled
foods are like your ex that keeps texting you: they only bring you down and
mess with your head. If you give in to temptation, you might as well take a
swim in a pool of chocolate pudding.
The first few weeks are the hardest, and those cravings will
make you feel like a hangry, irrational monster. But don't worry, it's just
your body throwing a tantrum because it's not getting its sugar fix. Once
you're deep into ketosis and your body is happily burning fat, those cravings
will run away faster than a cat when you try to give it a bath.
Think of this as a marathon, not a sprint. And just like any
good marathon runner, you need to lighten your load and get rid of anything
that's holding you back. So, say goodbye to those bags of chips, boxes of
cookies, and pints of ice cream. You're on a mission to be healthier and
happier, and nothing will stand in your way.
#5 Prepare - Like a pit-crew at a NASCAR race, you want to
be fully prepared for anything. Meal planning and shopping are key to keeping
yourself on track. So, channel your inner pit-crew and get prepping! If you're
a snacker, stock up on crunchy things like celery and carrot sticks. But don't just
buy them and leave them in the fridge. Prepping them in advance is like having
your pit-crew ready for action. When the craving hits, you can pull into the
kitchen and get your snack on in record time!
Same goes for meals. Plan and shop for a week's worth of
meals so you don't have to deal with the dreaded "what should we eat"
conundrum. That usually leads to bad food choices and feeling guilty about it
later. Trust me, I know. I've been there.
And if you're looking for some meal plan inspiration, fear
not! I'll share some of my weekly meal plans with you as I get rolling. Just
don't be surprised if they include some weird food combinations that only a
pit-crew could love.
#6 Set Goals – Let's face it, without goals, we're like a
ship without a rudder - we'll end up going nowhere. So, have a goal in mind and
write it down. Do you wanna lose those love handles? Do you want to avoid being
mistaken for a beached whale when you're at the beach? Those are great goals,
but let's get specific - how many pounds do you need to lose to get there? 10?
15? 20? That number is your real goal. And when do you want to reach it? Give
yourself a reasonable target date, and that's when you want to reach your goal.
Now, the next step of setting that goal is sharing it with a
close friend or family member, so they can help keep you accountable. Because
let's be real, it's very easy to bend the truth with ourselves! I mean, we're
not lying, we're just being creative with the truth, right?
Oh, and speaking of lying, let me be honest with you - I
haven't set my goal yet. Why? Because I don't own a scale. I refuse to keep one
of those lying little demons in my home! But I promise I'll stop by the
doctor's office on Monday morning to get my current weight. Then, I'll set my
goal and share it with you. So, stay tuned for that!
#7 Stay off the scale – Unless you're auditioning for a new
season of The Biggest Loser, avoid the scale like the plague. We all know the
feeling of stepping on that little piece of metal and having our entire day
ruined because we didn't magically lose 10 pounds overnight. On keto, it's even
worse because your weight will fluctuate like a yo-yo on a roller coaster. You
might lose a ton of weight in the first week, but then gain it all back the
next week. It's like playing a game of keto roulette. So, unless you enjoy
emotional roller coasters, I recommend only weighing yourself twice a month.
And if you just can't resist the urge to step on the scale, then toss it in the
garage or hide it in your mother-in-law's bathroom. Just make sure you use it
when you visit so she doesn't get too suspicious.
Alright my friends, those are my starting tips for diving
into the wonderful world of Keto. As a seasoned Keto-er (is that even a word?),
I promise you that it's not all lettuce and rabbit food. In fact, with the
right approach, you can still enjoy some tasty treats without compromising your
health goals.
But before you get too excited, don't forget to purge those
non-keto friendly snacks from your pantry. Believe me, I know the temptation of
a cold beer and a can of Pringles calling your name, but trust me, your love
handles won't appreciate it.
So, cheers to a healthier you! And tune in tomorrow when
I'll talk about the magic of intermittent fasting with Keto. Who knows, maybe
we can even sneak in a few more beer and snack breaks along the way (just
kidding, sort of).
